In modern Japanese, kanai is a very humble way of referring to one’s wife. It is a formal term that is rarely used in casual conversation. People only use it to refer to wives of CEOs, politicians, or other famous people. These days, fujin maintains a nuance of blue-blooded nobility. It was once used to refer to powerful noblemen’s wives or even the emperor’s consorts. The word 夫人 (f ujin) is an older term for wife in Japanese.
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This is usually because they want to teach their children how to say mother correctly.
Within the home, husbands often begin calling their wives okaasan once they have children together. Some common examples would be when teachers talk to their student’s parents or when a doctor is speaking to the mother of their patient. If a stranger or service industry worker knows that the woman they are speaking to is married and has children, calling her okaasan or okaasama is a polite and honorific thing to do. The word お母さん ( okaasan) doesn’t actually mean “wife.” It’s more of a pet name that some husbands call their wife. Uchi refers to inside or family the daughter-in-law is referred to as an official family member. Personal pronouns like 私の (watashi no) or 僕の ( boku no) are instead replaced with うちの (uchi no). It would also be technically incorrect for an in-law to say my daughter-in-law. Despite its archaic roots, okusan has become the most common and pliable word for wife in Japanese. The honorary suffix -様 (-sama) might be added depending on the formality of the situation. Okusan can also be used to address a married woman in polite conversation. Using it for your own wife makes it sound like you are “honoring” her, but the number of people using it this way has been increasing lately. It is most commonly used to refer to someone else’s wife since it is a polite term.
Okusan simply means wife or married woman. In modern times, there is no such nuance.
The word has a patriarchal history to it, as the kanji 奥 indicates the inner part of one’s house where a wife was expected to stay. 奥さん（ Okusan）- Wife, Ma’amĪs mentioned previously, 奥さん ( okusan) is the most common term for wife in Japanese. I gave my wife chocolate for White Day.
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